I had trouble getting out of bed in the morning, I had no appetite and I felt weak, I just wanted to sleep; But I believed it was part of the pain and mourning that was going through my father's physical loss.
Even so, I got up to go preach at 7 in the morning to a radio in the city, where I participated in the program "the meeting point" with Pastor Ernesto Pinto and another communicator; After finishing the program, I went out to work, with two cups of coffee, plus the ones I would take in the office to finish the day's activities, and the weekend I continued serving in the Church teaching the children.
My work is about the study of the soul and about human behavior, so I said to myself: "Marcia is part of the pain", "Marcia this will also happen", "Marcia, your father has returned home"; you have the promise that Jesus said: I am the resurrection and the life; He who believes in me, even if he dies, will live.
When our physical health declines, our entire body is affected, even so I tried to keep my spirit strengthened, but God knew the pain that was in my heart.
The human being does not know what to do when he has pain, each of us can experience different reactions and behaviors when facing pain; Now that God has removed the pain, I realized that I was entertaining the pain, yes! I entertained him because I didn't know what to do with him.
And I did it through shopping; I started a kind of therapy that gave me a few seconds and a few minutes of relief, which made me forget my pain; unfortunately it was momentary, because only God can heal a wound like physical loss.
Now, I know that the pain wears away, the pain is removed and that through it, a wonderful being can be sculpted.
Many entertain the pain with purchases, with more work, with trips, with "one nail removes another nail", reaching one goal and then another, getting married, having a collection of luxury cars, resorting to alcohol or cigarettes, cutting or tattooing , everyone looks for his escape technique; but let me tell you that all of that is in vain, none of those strategies work.
I knew that it was in a process, and that it would be temporary, psychology offers six months to adapt to changes, but now, I, who have gone through a change like these, say that it takes a complete cycle; the first christmas, the first birthday, the first wedding, etc. to be able to close the mourning.
But what happens when we do not adapt and we do not overcome that crisis?
The pain stagnates, the wound hurts, and every time you feel it, you will charge it; the changes are good, but you have to let go of the wounds to enjoy them.
I released my pain, but it cost me a lot.
God allows us to go through certain paths to grow, to have empathy, to form ourselves and above all to show his glory. Those crises and these brokenness lead us to have the character of Christ and what is forged under pressure, is never erased, nobody can take it away from you; and that is your ministry; wounds mark us and signal us for service.
God understands human pain, you are not alone!
He tells us, through the prophet Isaiah:
To give the afflicted of Zion a crown instead of ash, perfume of joy instead of crying, songs of praise instead of despair. They will call them "victorious oaks," planted by the Lord to show his glory.
Isaiah 6:13
The Lord tells us to give him our ashes, our pain so that he may give us a crown. The Jewish people in ancient times when they lived a loss, dressed in sackcloth and poured ash on themselves as a sign of pain, mourning or anguish.
Today give your pain to him, take off the mourning clothes of your soul, he brings songs of praise instead of despair into your life. He wants to plant you and affirm you to show his glory.
Many times we do not understand why some things happen to us, for example; my father a pastor, a faithful man, a great father, a great husband, and a good citizen, he had to leave so soon; but God knows everything; nothing surprises him, and that's wonderful.
Applying to the scholarship to study in Israel I realized that I had anemia; that was the reason for my tiredness and weakness; because of a fibroid in my belly, but that is another testimony that I will share later; so through the examinations that were requested as requirements to the scholarship I realized that I was like this, almost a full year; with hemoglobin at 6, when the normal for a woman is 12 to 15.
At that time, Dengue and Chikunguña were very strong in the country, I saw coworkers, friends, brothers of the Church sick with these viruses. In that fragile medical condition, I spent many months without getting sick, where anything insignificant would have ended my life; but God takes care of us.
Father of orphans and defender of widows
It is God in his holy dwelling.
Psalm 68: 5
My life changed
He took me in his lap, he fought for my cause, he defends my inheritance, my destiny took an unexpected turn.
I gave everything to him, my dreams, my doubts, my anger, my pain, my whole life; I couldn't imagine what he would do throughout my life.
We heal by talking, we need to put into words what happens to us and what we feel; and that I did in the presence of God, spend the pain, through tears, words, groans, reading and writing, prayers, praises and fasts.
You have to allow yourself to be bad, and when there is a crisis, there is mourning and when there is mourning, there is pain; then you have to talk.
Talk to God!
Spend emotions. Pain has a cycle; and you have to wear it down; don't fall into that he heard again. Don't keep anything; God wants to fill your heart with His love.
I met people who had a long time not to see them, but when they saw me they told me: "Marcia, I'm praying for you"; He put angels in my way, he granted the sighs of my soul, he surrounded me with an affective network of friends and sisters in Christ, he pampered me with many cups of coffee accompanied by a word of encouragement and affirmation.
He gave me spiritual encouragement, restored my physical health; and little by little the pain disappeared; My gaze turned away from the pain and I could see Him; I no longer saw who was not with me; if not, who looked with me; And if I have Him, I have everything.
I felt loved, I felt protected, I felt strengthened by his grace. Now I understand that pain makes sense in God.
My father is still alive, we continue his legacy, he lives in each of his children, and in the vision of building a town where God delights; we keep working, we don't stop; It was not easy, but we made progress; we crossed the Jordan.
On June 5, my father finished his career, he left like kings, surrounded in his bed by all his children, his wife, his mother, fellow servants and family friends; he fulfilled his purpose, he left empty, he gave his all; and that is the goal; as the Apostle Paul said:
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. For the rest, the crown of justice is kept for me, which the Lord, the just judge, will give me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who love his coming 2 Timothy 4: 7-8
"When you recover from something, you can have internal resources, to make it a gift to help".
And that is the purpose of sharing my testimony, to provide spiritual encouragement in the midst of the processes.
He gave me a crown instead of ash, perfume of joy instead of tears, songs of praise instead of despair.
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